11: Bonus Episode - Coronavirus: Counselors, Clients and Chaos
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Prologue
This is not what I planned out for the podcast back in December when I was working out the details for season 2, but it seemed like it would be a huge oversight to not address something that has disrupted life as we know it across the globe. So, we’re adding a bonus episode that I hope will be helpful to you as we navigate something we have never experienced before.
As I am recording this episode on what was supposed to be spring break, a lot of things are different for me. All the classes that I met with face to face before spring break will now be remote classes. I’ve learned that the correct terminology is remote and not online for our program. All but one of my classes are making the transition without any mention the last time we met, that’s how quickly it happened. Our university opted to make spring break two weeks for undergrads, but those of us teaching graduate classes are spending our break learning how to move the rest of the semester into technology that we have never used before.
For the foreseeable future, all travel, conferences and even May graduation have been canceled. Our governor even requested that churches and other places of worship not meet in person. Frozen food sections at the grocery store are empty, and what is the deal with the run on toilet paper? Public libraries, the zoo, bars and restaurants are closed. All because of a tiny germ that is highly contagious and sometimes deadly.
These are massive disruptions in how we work, have fun, interact with others, and meet basic needs. It’s uncomfortable for me, but I recognize that for the most vulnerable in our society, the ripple effects of this pandemic may last for generations. I’m guessing that Coronavirus may have a similar impact on the following generations that The Great Depression had on our families.
So, for today’s episode, I want to share some thoughts about counselors, clients, and the chaos from all this. But, I also want to leave you with some hope and strategies for keeping your own sanity.
Counselor Responses
What I have been telling my graduate students is that we – the counselors, social workers, marriage and family therapists, psychologists, and others in helping professions – are sometimes required to respond to crises that we are also experiencing. As a school counselor, I was the one who helped my middle schoolers navigate the death of a student while I was also grieving that student. Here in Tennessee, some of my professional peers are helping clients pick up the pieces of their lives, homes, and businesses after a tornado killed about 25 people, including children, on March 3rd. While helping others, these counselors are also living in communities with loved ones hit by the same tornado. Now, as we talk about COVID-19, which stands for the coronavirus disease that was identified in 2019, we are all significantly impacted. We worry about those we know and love who have compromised immune systems, like my mom in remission from breast cancer, but still recovering from the effects of chemo and radiation. Maybe you are in that category yourself. We worry about getting sick, spreading the disease to others, and how we will take care of our families if the stores run out of food. Some of you may be worrying if your business or the one you work for is going to make it.
The first thing we need to do is honestly check our own responses to this situation. I caught myself getting snarky and irritable when I knew changes were coming. I know myself pretty well by now, so I know that is my outward response to cover my inner emotions. Internally, I was angry, frustrated, and blocked by things that were out of my control. If I dig a layer deeper, I felt fear about what was really happening and distrust around those making decisions that hurt so many people. Your reactions might be fears around safety, taking care of your needs, your ability to earn money, dying, spreading death to others, and other bad things that might be coming. Fears can be real or irrational, but feeling them is certainly real. When it comes to coronavirus, what are you afraid of? What do you think about?
You are so valuable! These honest feelings are not your weakness. They are the strength you will draw from as you help others. Be genuine as you acknowledge them, because you know the importance of working on your own stuff. We’ve all got it, and I truly believe that it can make us better at what we do.
Sometimes, as the helpers, we put on our professional mask and hide behind impassivity. But, we have to recognize that we still have emotions and concerns, too. These happen in our work and outside our work, but they all happen in us. Ignoring this is a dangerous step toward becoming impaired professionals who don’t recognize it. For me, when I recognize my own reactions, and I give voice to it in a safe and appropriate place (not with clients, because this is about me). When I do that, I often release the intensity of the feelings and fears. In this case, it has helped me come to a place of acceptance for all these things that I can’t control. Now, next week, there may be new things to challenge this, but that just means that I’ll do it all over again. I’ll notice my cues that something is up (like sarcasm), dig to identify what I am authentically feeling (label my fears), give voice to it appropriately, and move to more acceptance of the situation. I’ve learned to own this, and I think it makes me a better counselor and a healthier person.
Now, I love to talk about play therapy, but the other thing I talk about – a lot! – is self-care. It is so important for those of us in professions where we absorb other’s deep hurts and big feelings. I think that being trained in play therapy gives us an advantage in self-care. We know how to be playful, and we value the process of working things out with toys and expressive arts, even without words. This whole podcast season is about using expressive arts, and you can take what used to be your commute time to just doodle, play a tune, create your own sand tray (maybe without sand if you don’t have it at home), or just let yourself play with a small assortment of toys. Just like the kids, adolescents or adults we work with, we will start working out our own stuff, too. The power of play therapy is that we don’t have to interpret or gain awareness about what we are doing at the time. We trust that this works, and we can trust that it works for the professional, too.
Client Responses
Now that we’ve checked our own responses, we are better equipped to be there for our clients.
Clients may respond in lots of different ways. Ambiguity often breeds fear, and how many times in the last week have you heard, “We just don’t know?” For clients that struggle with anxieties, they will likely see their symptoms spike. Those diagnosed with OCD will probably experience more intense compulsions, and those who try to manage what feels uncontrollable through what they eat or don’t eat will probably binge or restrict more. Those clients who dissociate or experience psychotic episodes when life feels like too much may do that now. It’s probably safe to say that if you are seeing clients during this time, you may be seeing increased needs. That’s probably not surprising since clients tend to go back to comfortable, unhealthy ways to cope until they are able to use healthier options.
What may be surprising is that some of your clients may find this time of voluntary – or not so voluntary – quarantine to be a strange relief. If that college roommate has been difficult, it might be nice to have to stay home for the rest of the semester. If you see adolescents that are highly anxious and overscheduled, it might be wonderful to have a respite from racing to activities every night without letting anyone down. Children may benefit from having caregivers at home with time to play games or video chat with extended relatives more. They may not have to be around bullies or a problematic teacher. Can I confess that my first thought at the announcement of a two-week quarantine on the news sounded like a great opportunity to catch up? Life is so busy, and this has caused everything to come to a screeching halt.
My point is the same pandemic might be perceived very differently by your clients based on their past experiences, their typical ways of dealing with stress, and their present circumstances. I want to talk about each of those three things next.
Past Experiences
Past experiences may indicate vulnerabilities or resilience for your clients. If you work with clients who have experienced insecurities around getting their basic needs met, this situation may cause those to increase even if they are not in situations where they are unable to meet their needs now. The same is true around safety. If they have past experiences of being unsafe, they may have escalated feelings of being unsafe now. Clients who developed prosocial ways of coping with adversities in the past are what we commonly call resilient. They are likely to do that again, maybe helping others through this situation now. As helpers, be aware that your resilient clients are also triggered, they just respond in what seems like a healthier way. So don’t overlook the clients that seem to be doing okay. This is a great opportunity to do work with them, too.
Here’s a practical suggestion. When you notice this with your older clients, reflect it out loud. “You told me about how you would take care of your younger sister when you didn’t have food in the refrigerator. I wonder if that is why you need to call her so often now? Maybe you are taking care of her to take care of yourself.”
With younger clients, you can reflect the need for safety or control with your reflections, too. “That bear feels safe when he has all the blocks. He needs to feel safe.”
Typical Ways of Dealing with Stress
As you work with clients, you are looking for patterns and themes. You know how they typically deal with stressful situations. It could be with a bowl of ice cream or hiding in a fort. Often, it is about soothing uncomfortable feelings. Numbing, escaping or avoiding are common strategies and usually the unhealthy ones that bring them to us. You are likely to see to more of what your client typically does to relieve stress happening now.
Current Circumstances
The most vulnerable clients are the ones most at risk. Do your clients have food, shelter, clothing, and transportation, if needed? If they struggled to meet basic needs a few months ago, it might be worse now. They might have to take risks or be unable to get medication. While being at home with family may be great for some, for those whose home life is already difficult or dangerous, this really could be catastrophic. Some are isolated at home by themselves. Maybe they or their caregivers lost their jobs or won’t earn an income until they can go back to work. There are so many ripple effects from this pandemic: loss of income, marital stress, social isolation, education disruptions, ceremonies and big events canceled, and lots of small griefs. Expectations are unmet, and hopes are dashed. No lead role in the musical, wedding postponed, much-needed vacation canceled.
As you work with your clients, consider their past experiences, their typical ways of dealing with stress, and their current situations.
How to Help When You Feel Hopeless
Talking about all of that is hard. Doesn’t it feel heavy? How in the world, especially a world teetering in the throes of a pandemic, can we make a difference? Maybe, you now have elevated concerns about clients that you do not have access to right now. They aren’t in school, can’t come to your office, or your agency has temporarily closed. Here are my five steps to helping when you feel hopeless.
First, check your own response. Honestly, what is happening with you, and why does this bother you so much? I don’t mean that as a cold question about caring. What I mean is what is your need? Are you struggling with your worth if you aren’t helping others? Are you concerned about meeting your own needs if you don’t get a paycheck? Start with your stuff. Name it.
Second, practice some self-compassion. We all have our stuff. I want you to know it, but not wallow in guilt about it. It’s okay for you to have needs, too. Your caring may be your best quality, some of the good that grows from your stuff. And hear this: You are enough… right now. You are enough.
Third, count your blessings without guilt about what others lack. These are your resources, and you’re going to need them to be in place to help others now and in the coming months. My job is moving to a remote format. I don’t like it, but I’m grateful to still be able to work, to still do this podcast, and to hopefully help the helpers. I waited tables for years, though, and I’m painfully aware of how many servers are struggling to pay rent now. I am still grateful.
Fourth, practice the cognitive strategy of reframing. This is a characteristic of resilience, and we all need that right now. I started to feel angry and irritated that I had to work over spring break. It had already been a doozy of a semester, and I was hanging on for some time to rejuvenate. Then, I learned that I needed to spend the break basically learning how to do a new job, but not the one that I applied for. And, I really hate being told what to do. Grumble, grumble. Yeah, I did that. Then, I reframed it and intentionally changed my expectations. I had to work, but I have a job that I really love. I would need to work at the beginning of the week and the end of the week, but I could shift things to take three days off in the middle, and I did. I made play dough with the kids. We cooked together. We had movie nights. My husband and I talked leisurely. I have personally struggled with juggling a young family and a rewarding career and never seeming to have enough time for either. This spring break, I enjoyed my family at home instead of trying to “get away.” And I still worked and had time to do this podcast. What an unexpected benefit.
Finally, limit the media. I value being informed, too, and at the beginning of the crisis, I think that information was helpful. But, after days and weeks of hearing about the high death toll in Italy, the lack of communication in China, and other things you can’t do anything about, you will experience compassion fatigue. Turn it off. Use that time instead to care for yourself so you are healthier and able to be compassionate with your clients. We need you in this profession. Even after COVID-19 has run its course, your clients will still be hurting. You have specialized training and creativity to help.
Check your own response.
Practice self-compassion.
Count your blessings.
Reframe the situation.
Limit the media.
Conclusion
I hope this bonus episode has helped you. One of the things that I am really grateful for is you. I love being part of the play therapy community. We are a group of professionals who help the hurting. This week, you may have gotten a message from the Association for Play Therapy’s Board of Directors, and I want to leave you by quoting part of their message, which I found very encouraging. Here’s what they said:
“We were made for these times.
We know how to connect – whether in person or through phones and computers.
We know how to listen – to the stated message and to what is not said.
We also know the importance of responding to that unexpressed need.
We know how to observe – to see the fleeting worry or tender courage in someone’s eyes.
We know how to hope – to genuinely believe in our collective goodwill and shared humanity.”
